Shameful confession

I must admit I go to Quiet in the Stacks sometimes to look at her dog.

Of course, when she updates, I do some reading there too :)

I know, I need to get a dog. However, I'm slightly allergic to dogs. I'm most allergic to the ones that shed. So I'd like a Cairn terrier or a Yorkie. Or a Westie. Do we see a theme emerging ;) ?

D, on the other hand, likes chow chows and Samoyeds. I like them too, but I grew up with a terrier. And D is more allergic to dogs than I am, though he has expressed a willingness to get allergy shots.

Also, our apartment building isn't fond of dogs. If they find out you own a dog, they sue you. The good news is, the dog owners always win. But it must be stressful to be sued. And imagine even facing the prospect of losing your dog.

Of course, the powers that be don't always find out that you have a dog. The info has to be leaked. But knowing the Gestapo-like nature of the people in this building, I'm sure it would be. Before D and I got married, we were living together. We got reported - someone thought he was subletting to me. People actually came to the apartment to check out the situation! New York housing is something else.

I know who did it, too. It was this old woman with gimlet eyes. I don't even know exactly what that means, but it expresses how narrow and pinched they were. Anyway, she cornered me in the elevator.

Her: How long were you on the waiting list?

Me: I don't know. [It's true, I don't know how long D was on the waiting list, and frankly it was none of her business.]

Her: That's because you weren't on the waiting list. There's a lot of hanky panky that goes on around here.

Me: Bye! [stepping out onto my floor.]

This was a few years ago, before I learned the New York art of telling people off. I still don't like to use it, but sometimes I am drawn in. An example from yesterday:

I was on the crosswalk, on my bike. A taxi driver turned onto the crosswalk and stopped, waiting for the light to turn in his favor. I had to get off the bike and wheel it around him because he didn't leave enough room for me to ride by.

Me: [muttering] What is wrong with you?

Him [overhearing]: Why don't you obey traffic laws, like you should?

Me: I have the light, #@*&!

Him: I have the light, #@$*$#$ %#@%^!

Me: [I considered saying, "Since when is a left on red permissible?" But instead I made an elegant gesture.]

I usually don't say things like that, but I couldn't believe he accused me of violating traffic laws. Too much.

A conversation from the hairdresser's yesterday:

Her: How can I help you?

Me: I'd like to get a hair cut, but no blow dry.

[after the haircut]

Her: Do you use mousse when you blow dry?

Me: No, I never blow dry.

[She turns on the blowdryer.]

Me: I don't want a blow dry!

Her: But you SAID you wanted a cut and a blow dry.

Me: No, I said I didn't want a blow dry! I guess you misunderstood.

Her: Okay, I'll just give you a blow dry. [I am not making this up.]

Me: I don't want a blow dry !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her: Okay, whatever you want.