Potatoes in the Mist

I'm a little mad at my local library. They were closed today. It's not a real holiday. Feh. Then tomorrow they don't open until TWELVE. There's a book on the hold shelf waiting for me, and I'm currently bookless; I just finished what I was reading ( A Version of the Truth by Kaufman & Mack; they also wrote Literacy & Longing in L.A. ...both were good.) I don't want to go to the bookstore and get a new book when there's a free one waiting for me. Plus, the bookstore is further away. Oh, and they're closing on March 31st. Someone is definitely out to get me...

My library hired a 12-year-old. Last time I went there, he waited on me. My hold book wasn't on the hold shelf, so I suggested it might be behind the counter. "Books are never back there," he assured me solemnly. In fact, they always are. Maybe they should be on the hold shelf, but "should" is aspirational -- e.g., the president should be a good ruler, the war in Iraq should be over, you know. So I said, "I've been coming here since before you were born, son." No, I didn't. But he learned his lesson about the way this library is run...the book was indeed back there. So he waited on D today. Once we got out, I told him, "That was the 12-year-old!" He said, "Yeah, I was thinking, 'Is that the 12-year-old? Well, I'm doing something really simple. He can't mess it up.'" Aren't there child labor laws? I also went to the hardware store. Three things are always true about hardware stores: 1) They are cluttered 2...

When I was waiting in line at the library today, a sign caught my eye: "Muggers." Upon closer examination, it read: MUGGLES If you have placed Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on hold, please go to the Circulation Desk. This title will not be on the Open Hold Shelf until after July 25, 2007. This cracked me up. I guess the librarians are afraid that people will steal other people's Harry Potter copies. The books on the Open Hold Shelf are arranged spine inward anyway, so you can't say, "Hmm. This other person's book looks good; I think I'll take it." They attach your ID number to the edge of your book with a rubber band, and that's the only way you can tell it's yours. When I put books on hold, it used to take forever. Now they are spewing in, an unstoppable wave of books. The only explanation I could come up with is: maybe a lot of the library patrons are in the Hamptons. But that is unlikely; they probably don't use the library. (Th...

Today D and I ate outdoors at this cafe; we had veggie burgers and watermelon (!), and there were two dogs nearby. One was sitting on his owner's lap; the other was lying, sad-eyed, on the floor. I went over to hang out with it and the owner let her off her leash. The owner's friend explained, "That's Emma. She likes you!" Emma came over to our table, wagging her tail, and sniffed the onion on the floor but didn't eat it. The friend went on: "Joe [pointing to the lap dog] is a different story. He's a whore. He's a MAN WHORE. He just wants to be patted. But Emma is very particular. You know how you can tell when she's excited? She raises an eyebrow." Afterward I went to the library, where I took out The School for Husbands (by Wendy Holden, a fun British writer); Touchy Subjects (short stories by Emma Donoghue, whose novel, Slammerkin, was very good but dark); and The Raw Shark Texts (which is huge, and I managed to drop it on my ankle). I...

Today, when I went to the library to pick up my reserves and return some other books, I encountered a new librarian. I approached with caution. Librarian: Hah, sweetie! Me: Hi. I've got some returns. Librarian: Ok, hon. [I relax. But then...] Librarian: Oh lawdy! Oh lawdy, this is so embarrassing. Did you check these out? You sure they're not your reserves? Me: Yup. Librarian: Oh lawd, it keeps telling me "X." Why is it telling me X? Why? [looks at the other librarian, who is yelling at a patron. Then she grabs a calm woman with red hair.] Why is it telling me to press "X"? Redhead: [shrugs] I dunno. Press X. [Librarian presses X.] Librarian: [with a sigh of relief] Whew, there we go. That was so embarrassing! Lawdy. Why, when I go to the library, do I feel like I'm entering the Twilight Zone? Oh well. I think it's only my branch, too. The other branches seem eminently normal :) News on knitting. I decided I want to learn from the experts. I was enco...

So I wrote a blog entry earlier, while Blogger was on the fritz or out dancing in the meadows or whatever it was doing, and then I had a run-in with everyone's favorite librarian . I was the first one in a long line, and there were 2 librarians. One (the nice one) was checking people out, and the other (the evil one) was playing with stacks of books, making sure their edges were even. I thought the evil one said "Next," and proceeded forward. Evil One: No! I didn't say next. I'm CLEANING! (continues straightening the edges of books) Me (ruffled): Sorry! (heads back to line) 2 seconds later, in an evil voice: Evil One: Next. I hate these stupid power games. Of course, it only occurs to me later to say something like: "Why are you making little towers with your books when there are four people waiting in line?" But I generally don't say things like that unless I'm *really* angry, and it *always* freaks me out when people yell at me. I wish people w...