Not too much to report today. There was a violent thunderstorm during yoga and we could hear it thumping outside. The teacher was great. She had us do a headstand against the wall. Before class, I ran into C, and she did get my email and will do my recommendation soon. So I guess I'll end up with 3 recommendations ;)

I read a thought-provoking post from Poppy Cede today. She was talking about a friend, a girl she used to help out at work. Now the girl has "purged" her from her life, and Poppy Cede is understandably hurt. What struck me, though, is when Poppy Cede said this was the first time a friend had "dumped" her.

I found this interesting because I don't know how old Poppy Cede is, but I'm 30 and most of my friends are in the 28-32 range. Most of them have been let down by friends. And then you have really great friends who never let you down. I don't know why this is, but I think work-related friendships are especially tenuous. You can't really count on them to last once you leave the job (with some exceptions). And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I think people pass in and out of your life, and the people who are meant to stay, stay.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts. Feel free to chip in with your own $0.02.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I have always felt like friendships really benefit from some sort of shared sense of community. For example, I have a lot of friends from my church whom I care deeply about, and whom I have relationships with because I see them on a regular basis. These sound like the work friends that you've found to be more flakey. But then there are the deeper friends, whom you really connect with on an intimate level, and whom you stay with even when you're not together. (Our are no longer with us, for example, but we still see one another.) Those friendships are very special, but they also take a lot of work. And it helps to have something to fall back on to do. For example, with my friend the folk singer, we usually get together for a movie when we see one another. Then we do other stuff, and we talk, but we're like a two-person movie club. That ritual of going to a movie, which we both enjoy, seems to give us an excuse to make the relationship work. Maybe when friends "dump" you, or relationships don't work out, it's because the rituals of a relationship that give you an excuse to be together stop working for one or both of the people in the group.
9:13 PM
jules said…
I was also surprised by that! (and I didn't mean to discredit what you were saying in your comment at all - just thought the example may have been a bit off!) I am in my late 30's and have many friendships that have come & gone over the years.

And what el guapo just said "Maybe when friends "dump" you, or relationships don't work out, it's because the rituals of a relationship that give you an excuse to be together stop working for one or both of the people in the group." Wow ... well put. Going to check that blog!

I didn't hear much thunder tonight?! Just some rain. Hm ... ah, husband has just informed me ... thundring while I was at the gym!
10:18 PM
Anonymous said…
El guapo, *BRAVO*! Very, very well articulated.
10:38 PM
Anonymous said…
PS: I can't find your e-mail address, but I hope you don't mind - I've added you to my sidebar!
10:40 PM
Lora said…
As an introvert I find the only friends that really last are the one's where from the beginning we are willing to go out of the way for and make an effort to include our other friends and family in each other's lives. Work friends don't last because they were just to easy to begin with.

BTW: I like your new little profile picture.
11:11 PM
Bearette said…
Thanks for adding me, Jurgen :) I like your taste in music too. I love Postal Service.

And Lora, I always find your comments yummy and insightful :) I'm glad you like the profile picture. I think you are right about work friendships.

It's interesting, the friend I'm seeing on Saturday is an ISFJ. We've been friends for 9 years. I've noticed most of my close friends are Fs, and many are NFs.

Also, I found out all my family's types:
Mom - INFP
my brother - INF (he says he's "bimodal" with respect to P and J)
my sisters - ISFJ and ISTJ
me - ENFP

So I guess I'm the only extrovert in the house. I think I'm an "intimate extrovert" though because I like small groups and reading.
11:59 PM
Bearette said…
I guess I feel that when friends drift apart, it's not because a ritual stops working (at least for me). I think it's either

a) what Lora said - the relationship was too easy to begin with

or

b) the 2 people in question just aren't meant to be friends - maybe some fundamental incompatibility that becomes clearer over time.
12:02 AM
jules said…
Actually, the person who was my closest friend was somebody I worked with over 15 years ago. On the other hand, I hear what you're saying about work friends, it's easy to make the time to be friends with people you see every day but when it comes to taking it a step further & out of the office, it doesn't always work. But I do have some really awesome people who I consider friends that I work with currently.
12:03 AM
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