Unsolicited advice

So I've been cruising around reading mother blogs, and from them and my own experience, it seems like having a baby opens you up to one of my least favorite things, ever: Unsolicited Advice.

It should be noted that, like ice cream, unsolicited advice comes in many flavors, and I don't really mind it from friends.

However, friends are the least likely to give it. They sensibly wait for you to ask for it. At which point, it's not unsolicited! Yay.

I recently talked with someone who warned me not to be overwhelmed by someone else's unsolicited advice, then started telling me what to do regarding breastfeeding (I am prepared for this one. I am going to try it. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.) AND where E should go to school. And we're not talking elementary school. High school.

I was a little taken aback. I mean, this is the fellow who's still in my womb.

It actually reminded me of an enterprising couple who wanted to get their baby (as yet unborn) into some competitive preschool or nursery school program. Anyway, they wrote in his admission essay: "Alex is a lover, not a warrior" and ascribed to him the qualities of a noble poet. People? His only mode of expression is KICKING. (I think this was in the Times a while back. It's possible the baby was one or something. But still.)

So I realized I'd better develop a strategy to deal with the AAGs (annoying advice givers). I tend to be very sensitive, and I don't want to be walking around upset all the time. So I think I'll do the old nod-and-smile, then turn around and do my own thing.

What would you do? I think it's probably better not to engage too much -- I have the sneaking suspicion that many AAGs cling to their points like a dog to a bone. (Or an abandoned bagel, by the curb - my dog used to pick those up.)

Comments

judy in ky said…
It sounds to me like you have a perfectly healthy attitude. Smile and nod, then go your own way. Unsolicited advise givers never change their minds, there is no point in debating with them. You will do just fine by following your instincts.
judy in ky said…
Sorry, I meant advice, not advise. Don't want anyone to get the idea that people in Kentucky can't spell! I have some friends on the east coast who tend to believe that.
blackcrag said…
As you say "What would you do?" this advice becomes solicited then, right?

Personally, I'd listen with half an ear, just in case there is something useful in all that free advice. And that's understanding that every third person will give you contradicting advice.

After three nieces, two nephews and the numerous children of my friends, I can tell you all kids are different, with different personalities, circumstances, etc. In the end, all you can do is what works for you and your child.
Bearette said…
Judy - thanks for the affirmation! I always suspected they wouldn't change their minds. And I never thought poorly of Kentucky spellers ;)

Blackcrag - indeed :) Sounds wise to me.
Anonymous said…
I just smile and say, "Sounds great! Thank you!" And then do what I want.

Don't worry. I have no advice for you (solicited or not) when it comes to raising children.
Anonymous said…
Perhaps these AAGs come out of the woodwork when they're around a pregnant person because they want to relive their memories. It's a huge event in a person's life, and people always want to share stories like that. I'd say, just keep that in mind that what they're really saying is, "Here's my story. Let me share it with you." You might even make preemptive strikes especially when you know this person is an AAG: ask him/her about their experiences. Allow them to tell you their stories. Maybe that will get it out of their system without being too preachy.

Otherwise, yeah, smile and nod; then do what you want.
Bearette said…
I think you're right. A lot of what comes across as lecturing or advice is probably just an attempt to share.

Popular posts from this blog

Vegetable personalities

The return of Rudolph

happy birthday e!