Bike path license exam
It was a real pleasure to ride my bike today, because it was a grey and overcast day. This means there weren't many people on the path. Usually, the path is clogged with crazy/dangerous people. (D and I have another name for them, but I won't say it here.)
To alleviate the situation, I've created a bike path license exam. This applies to bikers, pedestrians and skateboarders using the path. There is even a question for the mechanics who work on the streets leading to the path. Maybe the mayor will institute the exam when he's back from Bermuda. Some sample questions:
1) The bike path is divided into two lanes. Which lane do you choose?
a) The right
b) The left
c) Both! I like variety.
2) You're a pedestrian. Where do you go?
a) The pedestrian path.
b) The bike path. I like company.
3) Put differently, what does the sign, "No Pedestrians on Bike Path", mean to you?
a) Get off the path.
b) I dunno, I'm still sounding out consonants.
4) What is an appropriate speed for the path?
a) 100 mph.
b) 150 mph.
c) 200 mph. I like to live on the edge. I also wear tight black spandex shorts that show every bulge in my anatomy.
d) 14 mph.
5) When passing, how much space should be allowed between you and the other person?
a) 1/4 inch.
b) 1/8 inch.
c) None! I like personal contact.
d) A foot.
6) You're passing someone but they're unaware of your presence and you might clip them. What do you do?
a) Proceed.
b) Say "On your left" in a conversational tone.
c) Bellow "On your left" into their left ear, loud enough to guarantee a hearing-aid purchase that day.
7) There's a crossing guard at the junction near Chelsea Piers. How do you react to him?
a) I listen.
b) I ignore.
8) If you're wheeling a large object (i.e., a bicycle or a Maclaren stroller the size of a small house), it's cool to stand in the middle of the path and chat with a friend.
a) True
b) False
9) There's a yellow line down the center of the path, separating the two lanes. The yellow line is for skateboarders, so they can soar into the air and land in front of bikers abruptly and without warning.
a) True
b) False
10) The bike path is a good place to bring your three-year-old daughter who has just learned to ride her tricycle and doesn't really get the "lanes" concept. Childhood should be without boundaries; it's cool that she veers everywhere.
a) True
b) False
11) There's a low stone wall flanking the path at certain points. How do you feel about it?
a) It's decorative.
b) I like to sit on it.
c) I like to sit on it and jump in front of bikers. Woo!
12) You're a pedestrian. You like to stop short in front of bikers and laugh, or creep up on them and say, "Boo." This behavior is:
a) cute and witty
b) annoying
c) creepy
13) How do you feel about head-on collisions?
a) I avoid them.
b) They're cool. I like sitting in the St. Vincent's waiting room, moaning in pain, while the nurses play poker.
14) You're a mechanic working on the streets near the bike path. You see a biker on the sidewalk heading to the path. You:
a) Park your car on the street.
b) Park your car on the sidewalk.
c) Park your car on the sidewalk, but chase the biker for a bit. It adds excitement to the day.
And finally, for research purposes only:
15) At one point, there is a sign that says, "To cross street, press button and wait for light." Do you believe the button causes the light to change?
a) Yes
b) No
To alleviate the situation, I've created a bike path license exam. This applies to bikers, pedestrians and skateboarders using the path. There is even a question for the mechanics who work on the streets leading to the path. Maybe the mayor will institute the exam when he's back from Bermuda. Some sample questions:
1) The bike path is divided into two lanes. Which lane do you choose?
a) The right
b) The left
c) Both! I like variety.
2) You're a pedestrian. Where do you go?
a) The pedestrian path.
b) The bike path. I like company.
3) Put differently, what does the sign, "No Pedestrians on Bike Path", mean to you?
a) Get off the path.
b) I dunno, I'm still sounding out consonants.
4) What is an appropriate speed for the path?
a) 100 mph.
b) 150 mph.
c) 200 mph. I like to live on the edge. I also wear tight black spandex shorts that show every bulge in my anatomy.
d) 14 mph.
5) When passing, how much space should be allowed between you and the other person?
a) 1/4 inch.
b) 1/8 inch.
c) None! I like personal contact.
d) A foot.
6) You're passing someone but they're unaware of your presence and you might clip them. What do you do?
a) Proceed.
b) Say "On your left" in a conversational tone.
c) Bellow "On your left" into their left ear, loud enough to guarantee a hearing-aid purchase that day.
7) There's a crossing guard at the junction near Chelsea Piers. How do you react to him?
a) I listen.
b) I ignore.
8) If you're wheeling a large object (i.e., a bicycle or a Maclaren stroller the size of a small house), it's cool to stand in the middle of the path and chat with a friend.
a) True
b) False
9) There's a yellow line down the center of the path, separating the two lanes. The yellow line is for skateboarders, so they can soar into the air and land in front of bikers abruptly and without warning.
a) True
b) False
10) The bike path is a good place to bring your three-year-old daughter who has just learned to ride her tricycle and doesn't really get the "lanes" concept. Childhood should be without boundaries; it's cool that she veers everywhere.
a) True
b) False
11) There's a low stone wall flanking the path at certain points. How do you feel about it?
a) It's decorative.
b) I like to sit on it.
c) I like to sit on it and jump in front of bikers. Woo!
12) You're a pedestrian. You like to stop short in front of bikers and laugh, or creep up on them and say, "Boo." This behavior is:
a) cute and witty
b) annoying
c) creepy
13) How do you feel about head-on collisions?
a) I avoid them.
b) They're cool. I like sitting in the St. Vincent's waiting room, moaning in pain, while the nurses play poker.
14) You're a mechanic working on the streets near the bike path. You see a biker on the sidewalk heading to the path. You:
a) Park your car on the street.
b) Park your car on the sidewalk.
c) Park your car on the sidewalk, but chase the biker for a bit. It adds excitement to the day.
And finally, for research purposes only:
15) At one point, there is a sign that says, "To cross street, press button and wait for light." Do you believe the button causes the light to change?
a) Yes
b) No
Comments
People really sneak up on you and say Boo? How weird.
To each his own ;)
Bookworm - thank you!
2. a
3. Which language is it written in?
4. 100. I go hell for leather when I'm on my bike.
5. It depends on how close they are to the right-hand side of the path, my preferred side to pass on (just like Days of Thunder!).
6. a
7. a
8. a, naturally. don't you know how heavy and unweildy those things are? Of course I need the whole damn path. Isn't that why it is there? Just for me?
9. a. Skateboardrs make great speedbumps. Clotheslining them as you whip past them (especially if they are going in the opposite direction) is fun too.
10. a. Oh, and I suppose you want her to colour inside the lines too!
11. a and b. and also reference the answer to 9) re; speed bumps.
12. c. I also like to get hit whne I piss people off doing that.
13. No, it's not a head-on collision, it's a failed game of chicken. The other guy should have veered, dammit!
14. c. Those guys don;t have much in the way of entetainment, so they have to take what they can get.
15. b. It's a placebo button.
How'd I do?