So tonight I asked my SIL if she'd like to be in the delivery room, and she was really excited about the idea. She started asking about the breathing techniques, how could she help me, etc. She's getting a degree in social work and has a calming presence.

Which makes me wonder: should I bother with the doula at all? I decided to take some time to think about it, because I did like the doula candidate a lot, but the flakiness before class sent out warning signals, and this day is important. I've had bad experiences with flakes before. They do generally let you down.

So as it stands, my SIL will be there, D (until it gets graphic) and possibly my mom (though she's in another state, so it all depends. She mentioned coming to NY to help, but the timing may not work out for delivery. I think she will come to visit the baby afterward, though, even if she can't make it to the delivery room.) I do prefer to have people I know...the doula, no matter how well-intentioned and skilled, is basically a stranger at an intimate scene. So I'm kind of thinking: maybe forego it.

Another possibility: my labor may be so fast that it's a nonissue. The childbirth class teacher asked us if our mothers or sisters had fast deliveries, in which case we shouldn't linger at home, but rather rush to the hospital. My mom did not have fast deliveries, and I probably take after her more. However, my sister had super-fast labors. In fact, she delivered one of her children with her sneakers on. She didn't have time to take them off!

Comments

blackcrag said…
My younger sister had a labour of just over a half-hour, most of which was spent in transit to the hospital and getting admitted to the preggo ward.

At 1:30 p.m. she was calling Bmum for a ride to the hospital, and by 2:12, Munckin was out and kicking.

So, make sure you are close to your hsopital.
Anonymous said…
For some people, having a less familiar person in a supportive role may be effective. But you'd still need to feel good about her... and if you don't, just ditch her.
Anonymous said…
from what you've said about the doula, you might spend more time worrying about her flakiness than being comforted!
LadyPeter said…
I recommend a doula! If you don't like the one you've met, look into another one. You def. need family and people you are close to around you, but you also need support from someone who knows birth inside and out and is an expert at helping laboring women. Remember, if you give birth at a hospital, you'll be alone in the L&D room for most of your labor. A doula's specialty is helping you through that time. I don't mean to sound evangelistic about this. Email me if you have any questions, etc. =)
Anonymous said…
Hi bearette24. I tend to think it depends most what role you're wanting your doula to have. If you trust your doctor or midwife completely and you primarily want the doula there as support for and comfort to you, than I'd say you don't need one if you're really comfortable with SIL. But if you're interested in having as natural a birth as possible in a hospital setting and you need someone who can also act as your advocate and a liaison between you and your Drs. to help make sure your wishes are respected, then I'd say an experienced doula is more important to have around. Did you end up going to the doula speed dating event? You can always ask them what additional services they provide (besides emotional support) and then see if you feel what they mention is important to you.
Bearette said…
Hi T, yes, I'd be looking primarily for support - I'm planning on having an epidural, especially since the nurse/doula who taught the childbirth class says it wouldn't affect the baby at all.

I ended up not going to the speed-dating event because I am kind of shy around large groups of strangers -- another reason not to get a doula, I guess. I feel like I'd rather have only people I know at such an intimate moment.
Elsa said…
A "super-fast" labor sounds good. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Can't help you on the doula. I've never had a baby so don't know how I would really feel about it.
Anonymous said…
I know lot's of women who've had healthy, alert baby's with an epidural and I don't think there's any reason an epidural should harm the baby either.
Some women who opt for one are still hoping to avoid pitocin or narcotics. If that's part of your plan, then you may still want someone with some birth experience and objectivity around. (I think the yoga made me think that might be closer to your vision.) But if that doesn't matter so much to you, and you have an OB practice you love and are inclined to go with your Drs. suggestions on those things, then I don't think the doula matters as much. (As long as you've got other people who comfort you there for support.)
Frema said…
I just gave birth in December without a doula. I think if you have good support people in place who can serve as an advocate for you in the event you aren't able to speak for yourself, then one is unnecessary.

Congrats on the pregnancy! It's been a while since I stopped in to see you, but I hope all is well. :)
Bearette said…
Liz - i think you're right. the flakiness is too overwhelming ;) they were supposed to send us an invoice for the class, but forgot (of course we will pay them anyway, but it just seems like further proof of their absentmindedness).

Tara - sounds good to me.

Frema - thanks! Congrats to you as well :)

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